Daily Rushes

Raw and unedited points of view from a couple of film fanatics

11:33 AM

Liveblogging Australia

Posted by Jo |

00:05 Nicole Kidman appears. Her name is Laura Ashley, or something.

00:07: Woah boy, does she hate that Drover.

11:00 Already one kangaroo, one Crikey and one Bill Hunter.

13:00 Laura Ashley is British and so uptight and repressed. She says things like "quite" when she means "yes".

20:30 The narrator child Nullah's mother dies, and he's upset for about five minutes.

25:30 But then he falls in love with a new mother. Hurrah!

33:00 Hey, it's Diver Dan!

38:15 Diver Dan's the bad guy. ie He has a pencil-thin moustache.

39:30 Also, when he needs to say something mean he walks up and says it right into Laura Ashley's ear even though there's no one else in the room.

48:00 Laura Ashley sings Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Something beneath that bodice there's a heart of gold and a fiery lust for some brawny Aussie beefcake.

1:10:30 The Drover hangs out with two Aboriginal people. They don't say much except to occasionally speak wise truths to him about his commitment issues.

1:17:00 Also, the Drover is friends with a Chinese man. We don't know his name. He cooks food and plays a ukelele. He says something about Beijing.

1:17:30 Hey look, it's Ben Mendelsohn! He has a plummy accent but we all know he's gonna end up back on the junk.

1:30:00 A stampede of cattle and a roaring orchestra. It's the live action Lion King.

1:35:00 The Drover pours water over his rock hard, glistening abs.

1:39:00 Also, he cracks whips. HE IS ALL MAN.

1:46:00 Everyone calls the drover Drover. That's cos he's embarrassed by his real name. Hector.

1:54:00 "Listen lady, I mix with dingoes, not Duchesses." AWESOME.

2:10:00 Now there's a ball and it's just like college with sweaty boys wearing tuxes and drinking straight out of longnecks.

2:17:00 Hahaha the Drover has come to the ball to show up all those stuffy suits.

2:20:00 Then it rains and he and Laura Ashley kiss in an embarrassing, old-couple kind of way.

2:25:00 Aaaargh they're bombing Darwin. Plot twist!

2:27:00 The Japanese land on the beaches of Darwin. Followed by Gwen Stefani.

2:37:00 OMG The Drover is saving the whole stolen generation. This is such a history lesson.

2:45:00 The Drover and Laura Ashley live happily ever after. Australia goes on to earn ten billion at the box office and Baz gets 43 Oscars, plus Australian of the Year, plus first president of the new republic, plus Ricky May Day gets renamed Baz Lurhmann Day.